15

I wish Taylor Swift had been around when I was in high school. Even though I'm well past 15 I remember being able to relate. The dorky little 14 year old in me is singing at the top of her lungs and crying her heart out. 

It's an interesting growing up in a small town where the mistakes you make follow you around until you move away. I came to SC for a reason. I wanted to see who I was outside of the stereotypical band dork (which I still kind of am) and that girl who always felt left out. Sometimes still have to convince myself not to be that girl, and to not do stupid things just because I think that I'm hurting. It makes me want a time machine so I can shake that girl and go "SNAP THE FUCK OUT OF IT! It's going to be okay. You'll get out of here and find who you are!" 

I know I'm still working out the kinks but it's getting easier to let myself be happy. 

same old same old

Being sick is NO fun. 

Paying out the butt for 1 vial of blood to be tested is no fun either. I didn't think it would be that rough to test for one of the most common virus' out there. Oh well. My Dr. thinks that I have Epstein Barr Virus which basically just means that I have mono. Yipee skipee!!! lol 

I'm slowly but surely knocking things off of my to do list. All I need to do is make it through the week. Just going to keep saying that. 

No drama, no excessive activity, and no undue stress... That may mean no football game. It would be a bummer, but unless I feel better I can't imagine going through the whole game day without dying. 

GAH!

Haven't updated since there's NOTHING new in my life...

Stayed home sick all weekend which sucked. I should have been in NC having fun with my boyfriend/studying however neither the boyfriend seeing or the studying has really happened yet this weekend. Instead I've been a mixture of comatose and wheezing mess for the last 48 hours. I'm finally starting to feel better, though, so hopefully today will be uber productive in the studious sense. 

Watched the Clemson game. Tampa is looking like more of a possibility right now which is scary because it means I have to beast this lab quiz tomorrow in order to exempt my Monday final. I'm hoping that everything falls into place and that I can somehow manage to buckle down and get everything done this week.

 My reward for resting and being a good girl and doing well on all the academic stuff this week is that maybe I'll be better on Friday and Scott won't be afraid to come near me. Mono is a very frightening thing to significant others, apparently. 

Why I probably won't update much this week:

-Lab quiz tomorrow

-Make-up 303 lab stuff due tomorrow

-Geology lab worksheet

-2 soils labs that need doing

-Soils exam Friday (48 was the last exam average...)

-Field Botany lab practical Friday (200-something plants to know stuff about/ID)

-Big brother test on Sunday

Shoot me now! :x

Remember High School?

I hate nascar... I loved this show. :) 

Yes, I know I'm a dork.

memories

Once upon he played "time after time" for me and told me to always remember that...

I wish I didn't still remember that moment.  Jackasses aren't supposed to make that much of an impression. Well, if that were true I guess House wouldn't be such a good show. lol

-just a random jogged memory-

Weekend's Activities and Thoughts

This weekend was fun... And by fun I mean absolutely insane. 

Friday night was great. I got to hang out with some people I don't usually hang out with. I have a few phone calls that I regret from that night, but I really miss just hanging out with brothers. Shooting the shit, being dumb and silly... I kind of wish it could be like that more often. 

The game was AMAZING. I haven't been to a night game in Death Valley in forever and the first FSU home game (which was also a night game my freshman year) I didn't understand anything about football so it wasn't nearly as exciting. The crowd was phenomenal, linking arms as the football team came into the lockers and seeing them get excited about it was amazing, and the whole atmosphere was just mind blowing. It couldn't have been a better game. 

Sunday was a good chance to catch up. I did some studying, fixed some things with people that needed to be fixed. Chapter wasn't fun, but it happens. Now it's back to stress, and trying to catch up. Hoping that I don't actually have to use my redfern appointment on Thursday afternoon and that decongestants will magically fix everything. I just need this week to go okay. 

Scott got it stuck in my head... I'm so excited for weekend. I don't care if 

Saturday is a straight up hike, or if we just go to a garden but I'm ready to just 

go for a walk with my boyfriend. I have to get work done too, but everything 

just seems easier to manage with him around. 

I hope things stay this good... I'm afraid of screwing up. I've done it before and 

totally don't trust myself not to do it again. But only time can tell, right?

So for now, I'll just let myself be happy. 

That's all it is-I just need to let myself enjoy what's going on in the world around me.

pent up energy from labs

Almost through the week!!!

Hump day is over and done with.

I think Wednesdays are my favorite days even if they're my busiest. I couldn't tell you what we learned in soils, I got a 98.6 on my hort 303 exam which is pretty much giving me the exemption from my first final of the semester. Band wasn't bad at all. However, we had to run like 500000000 times because people kept screwing up.

Last night was a weird blur of emotion, though. Came home in a fog, couldn't eat, fell asleep early. I'm so sick of arguing and crying and trying to show that I really do care. I can't push myself like this anymore. I'm not leaving but it's going to be what it's going to be.

I'm waiting for NC state weekend so that I can just get away from everything. I haven't been hiking in awhile. Maybe some time in the woods or a nice garden with boy would be a nice way to relax.

On an even nicer note, Ryan's N64 is totally launching my whole apartment into childhood nostalgia.

A new day

I will be a productive member of society today. I can NOT spend another day in bed moping about something that I can't change. Er... rather... I won't change.

I'm happy now. I shouldn't be wasting my happiness on days wallowing in bed. Nope. Gotta catch up on some school stuff, work on alumni things, KKPsi meetings...

I was hoping to go to blind-horse tonight either with someone or alone but there's a field painting and 3 committee meetings tonight. I also need to catch up on 2 plant lists and like 3 chapters of Geology not to mention study my ASS off for field botany. I've really kind of screwed myself over the last couple weeks.... Only a month left of the semester. I can do it. :)

stumbling along

Last night/today was rough.

My big accomplishments for the day are going to be the following:

-getting up and making myself lunch (though I burned my arm in the process)
-plucking up the motivation to go to lab
-going to meet Allison's dogs
-2nd informational
-making it to bed early

School work schmoolwork? I feel like there should be ice cream somewhere in there too...

Beginnings in a Hectic Middle

I don't even know where my head is anymore.

I know I'm happy in my relationship. I recently had a very successful trip to CT/MA with the boy. Entertaining car rides, no fights, showing off my town, museums, watching mermaid girl (lol), and just enjoying the time well spent. Grant it I'm lonely when I don't get to see him, but things are good there.

I'm not failing miserably in school. I found out I only need to take 1 extra semester at Clemson as long as I take 5 classes every semester from here on out. I'm not floundering or anything. Soils and Trees classes are going awesome. I landed myself a research lab. Field Botany and Geology need some help - but I'm not floundering...

I have six million gazillion frat things to do this week. Meetings, rehearsals, service things, uniform parties, informationals, more meetings and MORE MEETINGS. I feel like I'm falling behind and am never going to make everything or be where I need to be when I need to be there.

I feel like I've gotten a lot more impatient. I'm not the meek little girl who watches everything go on anymore. Now I speak up and say it like I see it. Sometimes I think that that vision may be skewed, and I'm getting too harsh with the things that I say and do. If I've offended you lately, I'm sorry.

Between everything pulling in different directions I just don't know where to go...



On a happier note, this weekend was really fun:
-I got to see Kelly on Friday night.
-The game was fun. The exhibition was even more fun. The party afterwards was a great end to a decent day.
-Sunday was a rough day. I was tired, didn't feel good, and I don't like Sundays. Boy leaves on Sundays.