Hoping for a Better Day

Yesterday just wasn't my day. I guess only two bad things really happened to me, but it really made my day feel shitty. 

The first thing  I did when I got to school yesterday was fall into a mud puddle and skin my knee pretty bad. I laughed it off, but it really hurt! 

The kicker was the whole deal about my research (or lack of). After the end of last semester and winter break I did a lot of thinking about whether or not I wanted to continue the research project. I'm really awful at working in a sterile environment. I only really understood half the things my professor told me. Overall, the whole thing just made me feel really jittery, tired, and stressed out. Also, while I've been obsessing over the internship thing I've been thinking about what I want to do. Working inside in a lab for the rest of my life on microscopic tissue cultures that I'll only see in the greenhouse after 3 years doesn't really sound like me. So I e-mailed my professor, apologized, and left the project. He seemed okay with it. 

Then, Hort 102 came yesterday. It's a freshman class that I shouldn't even be in (but neglected to take until now because it interferes with concert band) and a different professor teaches it every week. Who walks in? The professor who's research project I just quit. He walks in, looks at me and exclaims, "What are you doing here Jaime?" I just kind of chuckle and tell him that I put it off and now I feel like an old lady in a room full of Freshman and I thought things were going to be okay. No. They were not going to be okay. The whole lecture was a little bit of basics on his lab, and then a very detailed look into the project that I started but failed to stay on and how eventually he's going to need someone on board because I (yes, he pointed me out) decided I didn't want to do it. Granted when he was going over everything he did mention, almost word for word from my e-mail,  all of the reasons why people wouldn't want to do tissue culture. However, it still gave me this overwhelming sense of guilt and failure. 

The problem is that I don't know what I want to do in Horticulture and I'm very afraid of proving my mother right and never amounting to anything more than the clerk at the Walmart garden center. 

After a rough night's sleep, I'm hoping that after classes and a nap today I'll feel less like a truck run over me and more like myself. 

On a better note, school things are still good, friend things are still good, and boyfriend things are still good as well.